I woke up with an inexplicable heaviness in my heart. Memories of last night we were together came back haunting me. In the hours that have since past, I kept on asking myself, “What happened? Where did I go wrong?”. 

But the vodka hit my brain so quickly that I had no time to ask you to stay. As my vision blurred, visions of you walking away would fill my head years later. As words choked me, I was left to stumble.

I was lost. I was utterly lost.

The throbbing in my brain is getting as loud as the pangs in my heart that were screaming loudly for your name. If there is one thing I wish for right now, it would be getting lost in your eyes again.

Your angelic smile reassured me but it was those brown eyes that riveted me. Oh those brown eyes, lovely brown eyes that have captivated me albeit the labyrinth that lies beyond.

Those brown eyes spoke to me, appealed to me. It whispered to me its deepest secrets. I saw not only beauty and joy but also storms, trials, and pains. I wanted to be immerse in that darkness, to hold your holds in your nightmares. I wanted to be absorbed by the oblivion. Yes, you were an enigma I wanted to keep unraveling.

In your company, I slowly learned to understand these obscurities, these subtleties, these blurred lines beyond what mundane words could ever express.

But there was something more. Something that, try as I might, I could never discern. I cannot fathom but I was riveted. Still, you safely kept yourself at a distance. The message was all too clear.

Because it was written all over those brown eyes. Now I see why it haunted me all these years.

With the vodka still lodged in my head, I mayhaps unearthed something that thrums up the tension on the surface.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I misunderstood it all along. Maybe it wasn’t you who was the enigma. Maybe it was me all along.

Oh life. What I saw on those lovely brown eyes were not your storms. What I saw were reflections of mine.

~ A Poet’s Dying Heart

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