A Broken Heart, a Mending Soul

It was on the throes of a broken heart and a broken spirit that I found myself hurtling towards the abyss of the unknown a little over a year ago. Desperately I was trying to find my way through the dark labyrinth I found myself stuck in. Through the whirlwinds of emotions I found myself again in a too ubiquitous a place, the mirthless prison of my mind. The weight of the burden on my shoulders is slowly crushing me.

The dark clouds are surrounding me, consuming every ounce of me. I can no longer see the light as my vision is blurred by these ominous clouds. It was a Herculean task but I tried crawling through the labyrinth to search for that elusive light. But as I inch closer and closer to the light, I felt the pressure getting heavier and heavier as exasperation finally took over. However, I started to realize that the only thing worse than crawling through the mirthless darkness was being cognizant of my lonesomeness in this darkness.

I was alone. I was lost. I was on impasse and found it harder and harder to crawl through this seemingly endless tunnel. There seems to be no hope of ever finding my way through the darkness, no matter how much I drag myself forward. I was in pain and a shot of morphine I wished. But wouldn’t it have been better if I had a shot of valium instead to shot me down for days, and to calm my skyrocketing anxieties.

The gang at the Philippine Highway System’s Highest Point in Atok, Benguet. Brrr. We can already feel the cold breeze.

Divine Intervention

But life, as it always does, has better plans for me. My spirit was already sinking deeper and deeper into the oblivion, and a bilious sight it was. However, through divine intervention as I believed it was, pairs of hands reached out and pulled me from the quagmires that were sucking every inch of me deeper and deeper into the ground. I know I am not fully healed yet but I am now on the mend.

I guess it’s time to put things in perspective. I was born on the high mountains of the Cordilleras. It’s through its cradles on which I grew, shielded from the harsher realities of existence that lies beyond the citadels of its safety. The mountains were my home, one that I seek whenever I fall into that egregious ditch of conflicts and emotional warfare.

Funny it may seem, but up until June 2015 I have rarely ever explored Sagada’s nooks and crannies. This is quite absurd because both of my parents trace a part of their roots in Sagada. I am a son of Sagada who alienated the blood flowing through his veins. But things are about to change. It took years of planning but finally my friends made good of that plan to hike up to the mountains and spend some quality time, together.

Though my spirit was wavering and already deflated, I started feeling ecstatic as soon, one of dreams will be realized, and in the company of some of the best people in my life to boot. The negativity that has beset took the backseat in this ride of life as the good times started to roll. I can’t contain it but my heart was already skipping beats, too eager to run away from enigmatic universe that so long encapsulated it from the brighter things in life.

They say, you’ll get to know who your true friends are not when you are at your highest, but rather, when you are at your lowest.

On the Mend

As we are slowly inching nearer and nearer to familiar territories, my spirit began to soar. Gone are the days of heartless toiling. Gone are the lonely nights that accompanied the miserable soul. We hadn’t reached our destination yet but I was already feeling tons lighter in the company of the people who matters to me a lot. The dark, heavy clouds that blurred my vision started lifting.

There! I see it! My mountains, my Cordillera, my Sagada! The home of my soul, the cradle of my heart. The heaviness in my broken heart and soul began to lift. I can feel the regenerative powers of the mountains slowly filling me up, rejuvenating my empty manna. The soreness of my body and of my heart slowly started healing as I began my convalescing amongst my friends in my hometown.

In three short days of our stay, I regained my old self with the meditational healing emanating from the high mountains. The tranquility more than helped realign my otherwise cluttered mind. I was beginning to see things clearly again. Though it wasn’t long before I found myself again in that all too familiar labyrinth, I am thankful to have spent some quality time with some of the BEST people in my life.

One of the many hanging bridges in Sagada. This one can be found on the way to Bomod-ok Falls.


A Thankful Rejuvenated Spirit

I rarely ever utter my gratitude to the people who keep lifting me up in my times of mirthless catastrophes. But this trip again showed me how lucky I am to be in the company of these people. Yes, I’ve hurt some of them. Yes, I’ve disappointed some of them, frustrated them, and even drove them beyond their limits. But yet they chose to stay.

Aside from helping me overcome my anxieties, this trip also reminded me of one of the general truths of life – we heal better in the company of people who cares for us. As such, we should never take these moments, these people and these things for granted. They’re a part of a bigger tapestry that comprises us. No, they’re a part of us, of our soul, of our spirit.

But beyond these things, we must always be grateful to these people who stick by our side no matter how eccentric we get. Ultimately, we should never fail to be thankful to the good Lord who blessed us with these people who are willing to take that leap of faith with us. Yes, let us thank Him who have weaved our lives together in the grand spectrum of His plans. We may not always know the plans He has in store for us but surely He will never leave us.

As I part again from my mountains, I feel rejuvenated, ready for all the challenges that lie on the way to the zenith of success. I am thankful to the ones who made this travel possible. You may not know it but you helped save a broken person from breaking even further.

Thank you Sagada! My memories with you I will always take wherever I go. Till we meet again!

It is with these journeys that I learn more, not only the places that I discover, but also on myself. This life is, after all, an endless journey of discovery.

Part I    Sagada, Where My Heart Lives
Part II   Surviving Spelunking Sagada
Part III  Sagada: That Sea of Clouds
Part IV  Sagada: Chasing Waterfalls and Terraces
Part V   (SSS) Soul Searching Sagada
Part VI  That Sagada Splendor